Starting Over

Dear Bananafish, I am ready to start again.  Tomorrow I will begin walking and maybe running, all in my Vibram Five Fingers shoes.  I have been watching and reading about the benefits of barefoot running, and I’m convinced that it is the best way, regardless of my first try and resulting injury.

I’ve been feeling really down lately.  A lot of it has to do with my dealing (or not dealing) with my father’s illness and recovery.  It will be three months since his transplant next weekend.  While his liver function continues to be stable, he still feels bad.  In addition to him being on the edge right before Christmas, the doctors also believe he had a stroke while he was in ICU, and it has affected his speech which is the most tangible result of the entire ordeal.  I can’t feel his pain inside, but I can hear how much his body has gone through in the past three months.  I am just really sad about the whole thing, and I know I shouldn’t be, for he will get better and feel better.  And it wasn’t even me who had the surgery or lived at the hospital for 47 days.  I continue to feel guilty about so many things, including the way I treat my own body and how I don’t think I have been there enough for him.  I’m wallowing, I know.  And I spent all day literally wallowing on the couch, and I have no more respect for myself.  Thus this post and tomorrow’s beginning.  Again.  Stay with me.

Here’s a video I found that I think will help in making sure I am running correctly.  I think it is helpful.